I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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