I am in a vortex of obligation.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
