I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
