im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
