Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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