Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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