i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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