I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
