i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So squirting runs in the family.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
