I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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