Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
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