Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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