I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
