Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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