We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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