I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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