is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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