Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
