Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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