I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
