I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
