he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
