Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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