Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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