420 ftw
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
