I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
