laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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