Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I came so hard my ears popped.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
