so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
