Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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