Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
