Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
