2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
