After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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