It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
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