Plan B is the new Plan A
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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