I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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