It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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