weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
porn star boner night. come get it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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