she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Everclear isn't food dammit
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
