It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
