just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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