On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Randomize
