I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
