Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
