I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
