i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
