fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
