OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
