So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
