Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
