Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
