i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
