Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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